Om.

“The whole purpose of meditation in the East is to bring about such a state of mind – that is, to control thought, which is the same as constantly repeating a prayer to quieten the mind and in that state hoping to understand one’s problems.”

But that my friend is to dull the mind not to silence it.

As the world becomes bleaker by the day and new problems arise every minute or so, we humans look for peace. We try to create peace by many ways including by force and if we cannot obtain peace outside ourselves then we look for inner peace, peace within ourselves, a peaceful mind. This search for silence, for peace within our selves has led to a new trend, meditation. This is why Yoga as one of the forms of meditation has become an increasingly popular choice for people who are in search for inner peace or perhaps for people who are in search for just mere silence of the mind.

Yet, true meditation in search of a peaceful mind can be obtained everyday, every minute, and every second without the need to chant a certain prayer or conduct a certain move. The repetition of these prayers or these moves is mere self-hypnosis. Yes, of course by repetition our mind will become quite, silent, gentle and soft but all you have done is to actually dull your mind and close your mind towards the beauty of the world that will in fact create peace within us. We are merely concentrating towards a certain something. As J. Krishnamurti has said, “meditation is not concentration.” Concentration forces your mind to concentrate towards something that we sometimes do not want to concentrate on, this in the end does not create peace but in fact creates conflict within our selves. How can we force a mind to concentrate when it easily wanders to everything around us? How can we force a mind to concentrate when it easily wanders towards something that interests us? Meditation that enforces concentration will only create a conflicting mind and how can we have peace when our mind is conflict? Meditation that enforces concentration means to control the mind and when we try to control an uncontrollable mind all we have done is to imprison it.
Thus what is meditation?

Meditation is simple, meditation is observing the whole with complete attention.

Do not confuse this with concentration; attention does not require control of the mind. Attention is letting your mind free to observe everything around you as a whole. Not to focus and control your mind towards a certain object. What I mean to be attentive towards the whole means to be aware of every thought and every feeling.

So meditation can take place anywhere and anytime such as while sitting under a tree looking at the rays of the sun shimmering through the leaves or feeling the wind breezing gently through you skin or even perhaps while sitting on bus.

No one can teach you to be attentive. This is something you must learn by yourself. Only you yourself can understand what being attentive is. In the end when you are able to be attentive then you have understood meditation, this discovery of your personal attentive will also lead to peace. By understanding this then you will find meditation that creates peace but does not dull the mind. There are no chants, no movements, no repetitions. Your mind is at peace and a peaceful mind is a mind capable of great love.

And in love there is ultimate truth or what we commonly know as God.

And to achieve this we must be in peace not in pieces.

attentive towards the whole

the choice of insanity

A friend of mine once said to me, “life Ben, is about choices.”
So as I ponder on that frighteningly accurate statement while eating this four day old chinese food and drinking this not so fine wine, I reminisce on the choices I have made throughout my 22, almost 23, years of living on this godforsaken planet.

Though my ass like attitude has made me rather monstrous and hated by many, I am still as human as any of you reading this worthless note of mine. So I as a regular human being, also have regrets towards my choices but I have also been told that regretting is rather useless or so they say.

As many of you might have already known, it has been a couple months since I have applied for the summer school language scholarship to Turkey and the good news is I got accepted. Yes, my dreams of sailing through the Bosphorus strait and touching those 800 year old walls of Haghia Sophia while absorbing the knowledge of the Sufi’s will finally come true…..in another time (insert multiple F words here).

I, my fellow readers, have decided to finish my thesis instead. Well actually my parents “kindly” asked me to do so but truth be told I myself am a bit worried of not being able to finish my thesis on time for the October graduation. There is a certain sureness in me that I will certainly not be writing my thesis while chasing hot middle eastern girls..err.. I mean while visiting and studying historical places in Turkey. For that reason alone I am putting away momentarily this dream of mine whilst hoping that someday another chance will come by and once again take me away to the lands of the Ottomans.

Do I have regret after doing so? Slightly yes, but as I have said above, what good will regret bring?

But, be worried not! Like any other curious young man I have made other plans to spend my endless pit of money. Vietnam and Laos seems to be a rather nice destination. Perhaps compared to Turkey those countries are rather standard but maybe it’s due to my almost similar cultural background and geographical closeness to those countries. Then again we will never truly know what we will find unless we experience it first hand. So wish me the best of luck, hey who knows maybe I’ll be caught in some deranged child trafficking shit, (knocks on wood).

ahh..

Deranged.
A rather nice topic to talk about and talk of it I will.

–

Deranged, demented, mental, lunatic, insane.
My thesaurus came up with those words after I was searching for a more formal form of crazy.
It is easy labeling a person insane, we can just merely look at his or her actions and if it is still confined in our society’s way of life then that person is sane or plain ordinary.
But then again, if we sit down for a moment and think of the meaning of ordinary, usual, common, standard and so on then we will find that this meaning is based upon what our society has accepted and not accepted.

What pushes towards this acceptance? Is it perhaps the increase wisdom and knowledge humanity has obtained throughout the centuries? Or perhaps repetitions of once insane issues which then force our society towards acceptance?

Take violence for example, due to centuries of never ending wars, killings, mass murders and so on our society has taken the issue of violence rather lightly. Yes there has been significant growth of institutions, laws and other much needed systems to combat violence but what I mean by our society has taken the issue of violence rather lightly can be explained by this quote,

(said in the context of death)

“one is a tragedy, one hundred is statistics”

Is to accept such a thing ordinary? Can this be called sane?

Who are we to condemn a person insane if we the people who are said to be sane are able to take lightly towards the deaths of thousands around the world whatever the cause. Accepting death whatever the cause surely is insane and we seem to have done so. I cannot see any higher form of insanity other than this. Perhaps we all have a small amount of insanity in us but due to our high acceptance towards this issue, death be it one or in the thousands has become rather common.

insanity is vague
and death is underrated

am i insane?

faux pas and a novice’s opinion

What is art?

Try to define that word and you’ll find that no definition is able fully describe its glorious results other than to experience it by oneself.

I will not define art here nor will I even try to, that would be rather egoistic of me to construct such a guideline on what art should be or should not be. I would be dictatoring such a subject that involves individual taste. To do such a thing would be limiting its freedom which will ultimately destroy the individual qualities in art, which in fact has made art become the preferred (if not the only) medium to truly express ourselves in any possible way.  Adding to this, I am merely an amateur to this vivid subject, I see myself unfit to discuss thoroughly of such an intelligent matter.  

I as an amateur will simply share my views towards this issue because I am bothered by an opinion, an opinion that I see as a faux pas or a social mistake. Scold me, criticize me, do as you wish to do, it is but a novice’s opinion. To take deeply of it is unwise.  

–

Unlike my family, I am not gifted in any other form of art, my hands cannot portray vigorously what my eyes colorfully see, nor can they longer vibrantly play the fascinating instruments of music as I have done in the past.  That is why I chose photography as my medium to express my creativity and this expression of creativity has led me to 10 years of learning.

Given the appropriate amount of time and the eagerness to learn photography, the technicalities of photography can be easily learned by anyone in mere weeks, but it does not and cannot end there. Photography is more than simply compositions, lighting, and so on. I see photography as an art, and if you concur with me towards this simple equation then you will also understand that photography too should express what we wish to express. This is a form of photography, which in my opinion seems to be lacking in Indonesia. 

I was filled with fury, while I was listening to a workshop concerning photography. The seemingly intelligent person conducting the workshop spoke with a clear, loud and passionate voice,

…”so photography does not require philosophy, poetry, artsy ways of thinking or any other vague concepts, you just see, compose and shoot, this will do for any form of photography! By understanding this you will easily make money-making photos and we all want that right?”…

No my friend, I do not. What I truly want is my photos to reflect on what I feel. For me photography is putting one’s head, one’s eye, and one’s heart on the same axis. If you are a photographer have you done such an intimate thing? Or are you merely shooting without remorse? What good are my photos if cannot take the viewer of my photos into the realm of my emotions?

What do I mean by all this tirade? I simply mean that main stream photography in Indonesia is dull, empty and shallow. If you see photography as art then you should see that there is no uniqueness in them; there is no individual taste, there are no questions to engage the mind, there are no expressions to be felt. Art should challenge you, it should make you think, it should make you see the beauty, the sadness, the happiness, the rage of the object of the art or the expresser of the art.   

The easiness of modern photography has indeed advantaged us greatly but it has also simplified it and to simplify things is often to take away its essence. If you see photography as an art then take part of your heart and express it in every photo you take. There are no rules towards expressing oneself, remember that ultimate beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Express yourself freely without the boundaries constructed by our society and you will find an essence that is being undermined and forgotten by modernity.

What is art without heart?

It is dull, empty and shallow.

 

Mind my ranting it is but a novice’s opinion

 

 

In order to ‘give a meaning’ to the world, one has to feel oneself involved in what he frames through the viewfinder

-  Henri Cartier Bresson

so wrong for so long

We live in a world where peace and conflict lives side by side with one another, where you can see a man giving alms in one minute but also hits without remorse his beloved one the next minute. A world where politicians speak much of peace, but has used force to obtain peace. A world where institutions are built on the basis to protect humanity but has eventually resulted in the opposite. We have institutions such as the United Nations to protect the member countries and subsequently the people of those countries. The list of these organizations goes on. Yes, they have done a great deal in obtaining and perhaps maintaining peace but alike all collective religious organizations they have done little towards forging an everlasting solution towards preserving and maintaining peace. These institutions, whether it be man-made or the so-called God made institutions, they have all been unable to penetrate the core of the problem, the essence of where the conflict originates from. They have been unable to penetrate the ego within ourselves. 

We talk much of ego when it comes to solving problems in relationships between loved one’s, but we seldom talk of it and have never made it a core issue when conducting peaceful negotiations when it comes to resolving humanitarian conflicts or wars. Have we ever asked ourselves, why? What is the difference between a conflict in a relationship and a conflict in, such as perhaps, between two neighboring countries? Yes, perhaps the problems are much more complex (and as an international political student I do know what I am talking about), but when you see with unclouded eyes, it all becomes clear, that the root of all conflicts comes down to ego, our ego. The feeling to be above another, the feeling of not wanting to loose because it will bring nothing but shame and defeat, the feeling that we are better than the other. We all want that right? To feel the sensation of winning, that my friend is ego. And we live in a society that tolerates ego, embraces ego and has made us come to think of ego as something that we are unable to overcome and useless to talk about. Yes, I do understand to overcome ego is anything but easy. But if we understand that ego, which Krishnamurti easily puts it, “Isn’t the origin of conflict ego? If there is no ego there is no becoming” then perhaps one day we can finally be at peace with one another. Peace my friends, originates within ourselves, not from a State, or religion, or ideology or even a messiah, it is and will always be from ourselves. We just do not realize it at the moment. 

We have been so wrong for so long in finding a solution towards peace, everlasting peace. 
We have been so wrong for so long, my friends.

to be truly happy

True happiness is something a person seeks in his or her life, it is intertwined with a person’s satisfaction therefore when one’s needs are fulfilled or in this case satisfied he or she will obviously be happy. It is a simple, easily understood equation. But alike many other equations, there is still an unsolved problem to it. The problem with true happiness itself is that basically we do not know what we truly need in order to be truly happy (noticed that I emphasized in the word need). It is about fulfilling one’s needs not wants. Why needs and not wants? Because what you, what we want is something that we often don’t need. Fulfilling one’s wants will only give momentary satisfaction hence momentary happiness. It’s like acquiring a brand new toy or clothes or any other thing that’s new and suits you fine. You feel ecstatically happy, filled with joy at first but as time goes by you get bored and therefore look for another object to bring happiness once again. This type of happiness therefore depends on objects to make us happy. Another type of happiness is happiness that depends on external conditions, for instance having a lover by your side. As long as you have that loved one by your side you will be happy, but when it is lost, you yourself are also lost. These two types of happiness is rather easily obtained but also easily lost and highly dependent. It is what I call dependent happiness.

When we talk of true happiness it cannot be dependent on exterior conditions nor objects. It must be causa sui or self-caused, it must be self dependent. It is happiness that only you can bring about and sustain, it is hard, but not impossible to obtain and if obtained you will surely feel that independent, forever lasting joy.

But, in order to feel that joy we cannot fulfill just any  other ordinary needs such as having a lover by your side, having enough money, having a certain object and so on. The needs that i mean must be spiritual needs. Please don’t get this muddled with your religious needs, it is somewhat a different concept. Yes you can obtain your spiritual needs through religion but in many cases people have felt much freer obtaining their spiritual needs in their own way. Dogma is sometimes such a limiting factor. This has become one of the reasons why more and more people nowadays are taking spiritual journeys, not only do they desire to seek God in their own ways, due to the fact that they are unable to “feel” God with our many Abrahamic religions, but also because they wish to be ultimately happy without the need of an object or any external conditions as I have said before.

Perhaps while reading this nonsense you ask yourself what is true happiness itself? What is the definition to it? Truth be told, I can only vaguely describe it, because dealing with true happiness comes with lots of uncertainties, but one thing is certain, you yourself is the only one who knows how this happiness feels. And that is why perhaps your next question that should be lingering in that questioning mind of yours of ‘how can I obtain true happiness?’ is a question that you yourself need to answer. But do put in mind while seeking for this answer, true happiness ultimately comes from within.

Just think of yourself smiling every day, every minute, every second but with no reason at all. Insane? No, you are blissfully happy.

absent

sorry seems to a rather appropriate word for the lack of writings in this silly little blog of mine. I have a few excuses for this lackness, but it would be rather inappropriate to talk of rather personal things here. Let’s just say that if you were me now, you would be banging your head on to the wall. Hyperbole? I’m afraid not my friends. What I have been through, albeit my fault, is not something some people could withstand. In fact i was waiting for that one day when my mind just couldn’t take it anymore and eventually blew like a obese kid having lamb chops for break fast. A rather horrific scene indeed.

Well actually it’s not that i haven’t written anything, it’s just that i havent had the time to upload it into this electronic diary of mine. For the pass few months i have been writing a series of thoughts that i would like to share, i call them the “To” series. Yes, a few moments back i have written a post entitled “To Hate” but think of that as a prelude. There are many more to come. It was rather fun writing this series, which many of it I just took from my personal experience and few others. So hang on tight boys and girls, i’ll be back in a day or two.

cheerio.

to hate

Last week for me, was a week of hate, a week of constant anger. No, it was not me, but someone very close to me. I couldn’t blame him/her though it was after all my fault. I just held on as long as i could before insanity gets hold of my mind. But, i am no stranger to hate, i have hated, i have been hated and have learned much from hate. And what I have learned form hate is what i wish to share to you.

I see hate as constant anger, an emotion that consumes you , blinds you of everything and makes your world(and perhaps others, but not always the person/thing you hate) a living nightmare. Of course everyone has seem to have felt anger but to feel hate, to feel that hate in your heart are only for those who choose to do so. Hate is able to grow and prosper only if you do not let go of that hate.

As I have said before, I am no stranger to hate. I am almost 23 and in my 23 years living in this world i have seen hate consume my closest people. I know what hate will do to people if not dealt with. It is for me, rather odd to see people to choose to hold on to that hate, rather than let got of it. The problem of hate itself is that when you hate the person that suffers the most is you yourself. The person you hate either doesn’t know or just doesn’t care. I have found that people who choose to hold on to that hate are actually those who seek for revenge. Yes, revenge is satisfying, i know the feeling, the rush of adrenalin that puts a smile on your face while doing it, but it is only satisfying momentarily. It will not properly heal the wounds that has been created.

I understand, to talk of letting go that hate is easier said than done. But i have learned to do that, i am still able to feel anger but to take that anger and fill your mind and heart with that anger and letting it evolve into hate is something i am no longer able to do. Because in my mind i am constantly aware to hate is to suffer and i have suffered enough. And that is why i adore love, for it can bring happiness and peace. All of us ask the grand question, “when will there be peace in this world?” and i tell them, to find peace in the world, we must first find peace in ourselves. I am not at all a religious individual, but i have a thirst for knowledge which includes the knowledge and wisdom of our Gods and prophets and all of their teachings. They all have a common similarity, to spread love and thus bring peace to this world.

When we talk of love, our society tends to look down upon it and scold it for being to abstract  and irrelevant towards solving the worlds problems. Most of us see love no more than an emotion between two or more individuals, though this is not wrong. Love is too vast to be toned down to such a minor thing. This is because our society has forgotten to teach of love. Love as the basis for peace. Our religions, where its core teachings are actually about love, focuses too much on technical matters than of love itself. Our religions reminds us of this but we do not listen.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become as sounding brass or a clanging gong. And if i have the gift of prophecy and know all knowledge and if i have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13 : 1-2

“And we have not sent you (O Muhammad) except as an act of love (rahmah) to all the worlds”

Al-Qur’an 21:107

other religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism are just littered with universal love. especially Buddhism.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

Siddharta Gautama

“vasudhaiva kutumbakam, the world is a family”

Hinduism

these are only very minor examples of the universal love that are taught in the religions, so if the religious teachings emphasizes on love. why do we dwell too much on technical matters?

the fundamentals

*this post is actually a reply comment posted on of my best friend’s blog, Andika. of course with some minor modifications. just trying to share my opinions towards this matter.*

it really worries me to see that fundamentalism is growing steadily in Indonesia. i have spoken to many people concerning this matter, from my lecturers to some politicians and also to social-cultural specialists, and they seem to have the same voice, fundamentalism will not take over Indonesia and turn Indonesia into a Islamic state or in other words the implementation of Syariah Islam. They keep convincing me that our future, although uncertain, will certainly not be an Islamic state.

but, it’s rather hard for me to believe in such a thing. yes, i understand that many will certainly object if Indonesia does indeed become an Islamic state such as the minority groups, the armed forces and the nationalistic-pluralist groups. nevertheless we can not deny the facts that fundamentalism has planted itself deeply in many universities in Indonesia such as Institut Pertanian Bogor(IPB). Even some high schools have been somewhat effected with fundamentalism.

it is rather sad to see this unsettling circumstance. it is more saddening to see that fundamentalists care more about their brothers and sisters who are thousands of miles away then their “real” brothers and sisters in their very own country. nationalism seems to subdued by fundamentalism and this can clearly be seen almost everywhere and anywhere.

i was quite upset when i saw KAMMI(Kesatuan Aksi Mahasiswa Muslim Indonesia) protesting to the local government concerning the Israel-Palestine conflict while reciting verses from the Holy Quran and shouting “Save our Muslim brothers and sisters in Palestine!”.  they seem to care more about the Palestinians than the Papuans who were struck by an earthquake just recently. this led me to an unpleasant question, am i not your brother/sister if i am not a Muslim? perhaps this question is rather racist but the current conditions has led me to consider this. What upset me even more was the

jackets they were wearing, on the back of the jacket was embroidered,  “SAVE OUR PALESTINE!” OUR PALESTINE? what about OUR INDONESIA? rather depressing isn’t it?

the government and us, really needs to address this problem quickly, perhaps Indonesia won’t be a Islamic state in the near future. However there is always a possibility of becoming one if this nonsense is allowed to cultivate and spread. and please do remember that fundamentalism spreads quite easily in 3rd world countries such as ours. the government should tackle this problem by reforming its education system, it should emphasize on morality not religion. to tell you the truth, I do not really believe that Indonesians are ready for these imported religions. we lack the moral prerequisites needed for a healthy religious environment.

fundamentalism is the result of a morally undereducated individual embracing religion as the way to satisfy his or her spiritual needs because of the lack of his or hers physical needs.

to minimize fundamentalism is not as complex as many have said. we just need an effective education system that emphasizes itself on moral values rather than religion. because when we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a dogma, we become automatons. we cease to grow. let us not become of that. let us grow, let us be strong, let us be just and let us become the Indonesia our forefathers wanted us to be.

“Kami menggoyangkan langit, menggempakan darat, dan menggelorakan samudera agar tidak jadi bangsa yang hidup hanya dari 2 ½ sen sehari. Bangsa yang kerja keras, bukan bangsa tempe, bukan bangsa kuli. Bangsa yang rela menderita demi pembelian cita-cita”

Ir. Soekarno.

the month

I sit on my bed, with my back on the window. It was raining as usual. It is that time of year again. The month of December, the month of Thor, Tlaloc and Waruna. The month of rain.  I could feel the cold wind bracing my skin. It is somewhat delightful. I then overindulge myself, a glass of red-ruby wine awaits me in the cupboard. I pour without hesitation. I then sip. It was a taste i was familiar with. It was sweet with a bitter end. I am no stranger to this taste. But it goes well with the chilling weather. I am in a state of bliss.

the hymn of terra firma

“can you feel that, good friend?”

 

“what is that?”

 

“it is the wind”

 

“it is the breath of the daughter of Chaos”

 

“it is the breath of Gaea herself” 

 

“perhaps”

 

“but may it also be Him?”

 

“the creator”

 

“the originator”

 

“the grand architect.”

 

“perhaps it may, good friend”

 

“but what is in a name, a name is merely a name”

 

“its presence must be felt, not uttered with such meaningless names”

 

“its presence must be felt, my good friend”

 

“ah yes, i could not agree less, but what good will it do, if thou could only feel in thou’s skin not in thou’s heart?”