it’s been a while, i haven’t written anything decent in this shabby little blog of mine. yes, perhaps i have written a few things in my “notes” from my facebook account, mainly discussing about God, religion, suprarasionalism, deities, culture and so on.
but now rather than studying for tomorrow’s exam(EPP woohoo!) I would like to write something about myself. about me. but then again why do i need to show myself? to let you as a reader, as someone i do not know nor care, learn about me? Narcissistic? perhaps? in need of attention? it seems so. but more or less i’m doing this because at many times i do not have the slightest idea why i do what i do, why i say what i say. i just say and i just do. do i ever think before i do? sometimes yes, sometimes no. but when i do have the chance to think, i often think using my heart, not my mind. perhaps many of you have seen this. perhaps many of you are irritated by this. sometimes i am irrational or illogical when i am faced with a decision but now you know why. rather odd isn’t? indeed. anyway, enough about this nonsense.
so actually when people ask me to describe myself, i can’t really explain myself. there has always been two sides of me. the socialite who likes to do extraordinary stupid, childish, foolish things, and there is this second me who seems to be coming out more often lately, the quite me who likes to be alone, to just sit and stare at things that is usually something that is green and alive, to just read and think of everything and anything. well, in these past month i have talked to some people, consisting, of religious people, spirituals, philosophers, scholars, friends, my mom and a few others. they are all basically telling me the same thing which is that i am experiencing what people might know as spiritual emptiness.
i am at a point where books have literally drowned my room, my mind, my thoughts, my self. knowledge and criticism has engulfed me. i question almost everything now. perhaps this is why i’m having this emptiness.
perhaps.
well i’m looking forward to next year, which will be in a couple of weeks, the year 2009 where in July of that year i’ll be 23. i am growing old but still young. i wish to do much, i wish to learn much and do those things i will. by the end of 2009 (i hope) i will have already graduated, i will be much better in playing a guitar, i will be able to manipulate my energy to not only make a friggin ball but perhaps channel it to another, know a thing or two about Yoga, know a thing or two about Latin, and be able to sell at least one of my photos.
so.
do you have any regrets Ben from 2008?
yes, a few perhaps.
but come to think of it, why would i regret something i could not change?
