A friend of mine once said to me, “life Ben, is about choices.”
So as I ponder on that frighteningly accurate statement while eating this four day old chinese food and drinking this not so fine wine, I reminisce on the choices I have made throughout my 22, almost 23, years of living on this godforsaken planet.

Though my ass like attitude has made me rather monstrous and hated by many, I am still as human as any of you reading this worthless note of mine. So I as a regular human being, also have regrets towards my choices but I have also been told that regretting is rather useless or so they say.

As many of you might have already known, it has been a couple months since I have applied for the summer school language scholarship to Turkey and the good news is I got accepted. Yes, my dreams of sailing through the Bosphorus strait and touching those 800 year old walls of Haghia Sophia while absorbing the knowledge of the Sufi’s will finally come true…..in another time (insert multiple F words here).

I, my fellow readers, have decided to finish my thesis instead. Well actually my parents “kindly” asked me to do so but truth be told I myself am a bit worried of not being able to finish my thesis on time for the October graduation. There is a certain sureness in me that I will certainly not be writing my thesis while chasing hot middle eastern girls..err.. I mean while visiting and studying historical places in Turkey. For that reason alone I am putting away momentarily this dream of mine whilst hoping that someday another chance will come by and once again take me away to the lands of the Ottomans.

Do I have regret after doing so? Slightly yes, but as I have said above, what good will regret bring?

But, be worried not! Like any other curious young man I have made other plans to spend my endless pit of money. Vietnam and Laos seems to be a rather nice destination. Perhaps compared to Turkey those countries are rather standard but maybe it’s due to my almost similar cultural background and geographical closeness to those countries. Then again we will never truly know what we will find unless we experience it first hand. So wish me the best of luck, hey who knows maybe I’ll be caught in some deranged child trafficking shit, (knocks on wood).

ahh..

Deranged.
A rather nice topic to talk about and talk of it I will.

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Deranged, demented, mental, lunatic, insane.
My thesaurus came up with those words after I was searching for a more formal form of crazy.
It is easy labeling a person insane, we can just merely look at his or her actions and if it is still confined in our society’s way of life then that person is sane or plain ordinary.
But then again, if we sit down for a moment and think of the meaning of ordinary, usual, common, standard and so on then we will find that this meaning is based upon what our society has accepted and not accepted.

What pushes towards this acceptance? Is it perhaps the increase wisdom and knowledge humanity has obtained throughout the centuries? Or perhaps repetitions of once insane issues which then force our society towards acceptance?

Take violence for example, due to centuries of never ending wars, killings, mass murders and so on our society has taken the issue of violence rather lightly. Yes there has been significant growth of institutions, laws and other much needed systems to combat violence but what I mean by our society has taken the issue of violence rather lightly can be explained by this quote,

(said in the context of death)

“one is a tragedy, one hundred is statistics”

Is to accept such a thing ordinary? Can this be called sane?

Who are we to condemn a person insane if we the people who are said to be sane are able to take lightly towards the deaths of thousands around the world whatever the cause. Accepting death whatever the cause surely is insane and we seem to have done so. I cannot see any higher form of insanity other than this. Perhaps we all have a small amount of insanity in us but due to our high acceptance towards this issue, death be it one or in the thousands has become rather common.

insanity is vague
and death is underrated

am i insane?