i was dancing in my room this morning. yeah i know it sounds childish and immature, but the definition of maturity itself is so vague and my personal views towards maturity has a definition that only i can understand. and so far i am satisfied with it. anyway, dancing in the morning really gets my mind going, and this nonsensical writing below, is just one of the many examples of a adrenaline rushed mind. a momentarily happy mind.

-

do you know that feeling you get when you see a view, a beautiful view of nature and you try to say something wise and intelligent but only petty little words come out? words that undermine the beauty of what your eyes astonishingly see. a view that only the suprarational being, the grand architect can construct and when you view this view, this beautiful view, you find yourself so immersed in it, your emotions start to take over, you feel glorified, you feel content, you feel at peace.

i have this feeling every time i go somewhere new. but this feeling of bliss is not without its questions.

these views of beauty that i have happily seen, has unwillingly forced myself to ask a very simple question, a question that many of us have come to ask from time to time. a question that holy books have tried to answer but have come up, in my opinion, with only mediocre answers, answers that often only the most faithful have come to mindlessly accept. and that question is a complex yet simple,

what is the purpose of our existence?

i hate the fact that many us see our sole purpose of living can be easily divided into two groups, those who are good enough will be sent to the heavens above and those unlucky men and women with chronic behavioral problems will be sent to deepest pits of hell. is this our true purpose here on this planet? the grand struggle towards eternal happiness? is our God really that shallow? do we only live for this? promises of eternal happiness after dying, something that we even do not know, is true, is there.

why? why is it that simple? i feel so useless understanding such a thing. my purpose of existence here on this dying planet of ours cannot be that simple. i feel so meaningless.

Jean-Paul Satre had a rather exquisite point of view towards our existence (or in philosophical terms existentialism) “existence precedes essence”. what he meant by this is that, we humans do not have a predetermined essence the way, say, a chair does. We are indeterminate, always free to reinvent ourselves. is this true? our purpose in life is determined by us? perhaps it is.

perhaps i have a purpose then. no, it is not the heavens nor is it money. it is my love for humanity itself. i will make this my purpose in life. to merely fill my life with just a purpose is useless, that purpose must be noble. What use is my purpose if my purpose is purposeless? my happiness must be shared, because happiness is only real when shared. and that seems to be a rather nice purpose of life, at least for my life, don’t you think?

these voices in my head keep asking “why?” and i would like them to stop. just for now.
please.

oh mother Mary..what is my purpose in life?