As i try to calmly wait (emphasize on the word try) for my thesis defense which will be held on Monday of next week, I can’t help myself to think “what’s next?”. Well of course this defense is significant for me, but how significant will it be for my life ahead? Is something significant because of the time frame we are living in right now has made it significant? perhaps, perhaps.

But nonetheless, although thoughts of “what’s next?” lingers in the back of my mind. I already have ambitions or plans, if i may say, on what i will do next. These plans of mine are not detailed plans, for this is life we are talking about not some campus seminar. Detailed planning of life is something that i must avoid in order to minimize disappointments because life doesn’t always go the way you want it to go, so it’s rather useless planning accurately of your life.

Compared to my previous semesters i have been rather absent in activities this semester due to some personal problems at the beginning of the semester and of course my thesis which has taken a great deal of time out of me. I expect that i will once again be knee deep in activities after graduating. Although there is a part of me enjoying this rather relaxing state where I have had only to focus on two major things, my thesis and my personal life, and a few minor things such as the infamous summer school 2009 conducted last July. There has always been this other part of me (a rather large part of me if i may add) missing those sleepless nights in front of my computer, while muttering cursings of regret. Cursings such as “Dammit why the fuck did I take this job?” or “the fuck with them, they know jack shit on how to do things right!”

oh how i truly miss those times.

Long ago i used to ask myself, “why can’t i say no when someone offers me jobs or offers me to become a part of a committee.” Now i understand that i am like that because i am a workaholic. Which I seem to have received from my mom em..no wait my dad..well i guess i got it from the both of them.
But even though I show signs of regret when overloading myself with work, I am still as eager as ever when offered any new and interesting thing. Whether or not experiencing this new thing is useful or not for me I am not quite sure but nonetheless I have been able to experience things that many have not had the chance to experience.
Speaking of offerings I was offered this leadership course a two month leadership course called the LEAD program which stands for (correct me if i’m wrong) Leadership Education and Development program. I guess i’ll try entering this program once i’m done with all this crap at my campus..and after spending my nearly depleted bank account, travelling around south east Asia.

i will also plan one more thing.

i will plan myself to be surprised.
because life my friend is just full of surprises.
whether it be bad or good.
because that is what makes life, life.
because i will understand happiness when i have felt sadness.

and
because even the best falls down,
sometimes.

an eternal smile.