absent

sorry seems to a rather appropriate word for the lack of writings in this silly little blog of mine. I have a few excuses for this lackness, but it would be rather inappropriate to talk of rather personal things here. Let’s just say that if you were me now, you would be banging your head on to the wall. Hyperbole? I’m afraid not my friends. What I have been through, albeit my fault, is not something some people could withstand. In fact i was waiting for that one day when my mind just couldn’t take it anymore and eventually blew like a obese kid having lamb chops for breakfast. A rather horrific scene indeed.

Well actually it’s not that i haven’t written anything, it’s just that i havent had the time to upload it into this electronic diary of mine. For the pass few months i have been writing a series of thoughts that i would like to share, i call them the “To” series. Yes, a few moments back i have written a post entitled “To Hate” but think of that as a prelude. There are many more to come. It was rather fun writing this series, which many of it I just took from my personal experience and few others. So hang on tight boys and girls, i’ll be back in a day or two.

cheerio.

to hate

Last week for me, was a week of hate, a week of constant anger. No, it was not me, but someone very close to me. I couldn’t blame him/her though it was after all my fault. I just held on as long as i could before insanity gets hold of my mind. But, i am no stranger to hate, i have hated, i have been hated and have learned much from hate. And what I have learned form hate is what i wish to share to you.

I see hate as constant anger, an emotion that consumes you , blinds you of everything and makes your world(and perhaps others, but not always the person/thing you hate) a living nightmare. Of course everyone has seem to have felt anger but to feel hate, to feel that hate in your heart are only for those who choosen to do so. Hate is able to grow and prosper only if you do not let go of that hate.

As I have said before, I am no stranger to hate. I am almost 23 and in my 23 years living in this world i have seen hate consume my closest people. I know what hate will do to people if not dealt with. It is for me, rather odd to see people to choose to hold on to that hate, rather than let got of it. The problem of hate itself is that when you hate the person that suffers the most is you yourself. The person you hate either doesn’t know or just doesn’t care. I have found that people who choose to hold on to that hate are actually those who seek for revenge. Yes, revenge is satisfying, i know the feeling, the rush of adrenalin that puts a smile on your face while doing it, but it is only satisfying momentarily. It will not properly heal the wounds that has been created.

I understand, to talk of letting go that hate is easier said than done. But i have learned to do that, i am still able to feel anger but to take that anger and fill your mind and heart with that anger and letting it evolve into hate is something i am no longer able to do. Because in my mind i am constantly aware to hate is to suffer and i have suffered enough. And that is why i adore love, for it can bring happiness and peace. All of us ask the grand question, “when will there be peace in this world?” and i tell them, to find peace in the world, we must first find peace in ourselves. I am not at all a religious individual, but i have a thirst for knowledge which includes the knowledge and wisdom of our Gods and prophets and all of their teachings. They all have a common similarity, to spread love and thus bring peace to this world.

When we talk of love, our society tends to look down upon it and scold it for being to abstract  and irrelevant towards solving the worlds problems. Most of us see love no more than an emotion between two or more individuals, though this is not wrong. Love is too vast to be toned down to such a minor thing. This is because our society has forgotten to teach of love. Love as the basis for peace. Our religions, where its core teachings are actually about love, focuses too much on technical matters than of love itself. Our religions reminds us of this but we do not listen.

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become as sounding brass or a clanging gong. And if i have the gift of prophecy and know all knowledge and if i have all faith, so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13 : 1-2

“And we have not sent you (O Muhammad) except as an act of love (rahmah) to all the worlds”

Al-Qur’an 21:107

other religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism are just littered with universal love. especially Buddhism.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

Siddharta Gautama

“vasudhaiva kutumbakam, the world is a family”

Hinduism

these are only very minor examples of the universal love that are taught in the religions, so if the religious teachings emphasizes on love. why do we dwell too much on technical matters?

the fundamentals

*this post is actually a reply comment posted on of my best friend’s blog, Andika. of course with some minor modifications. just trying to share my opinions towards this matter.*

it really worries me to see that fundamentalism is growing steadily in Indonesia. i have spoken to many people concerning this matter, from my lecturers to some politicians and also to social-cultural specialists, and they seem to have the same voice, fundamentalism will not take over Indonesia and turn Indonesia into a Islamic state or in other words the implementation of Syariah Islam. They keep convincing me that our future, although uncertain, will certainly not be an Islamic state.

but, it’s rather hard for me to believe in such a thing. yes, i understand that many will certainly object if Indonesia does indeed become an Islamic state such as the minority groups, the armed forces and the nationalistic-pluralist groups. nevertheless we can not deny the fact that fundamentalism has planted itself deeply in many universities in Indonesia such as Institut Pertanian Bogor(IPB). Even some high schools have been somewhat effected with fundamentalism.

it is rather sad to see this unsettling circumstance. it is more saddening to see that fundamentalists care more about their brothers and sisters who are thousands of miles away then their “real” brothers and sisters in their very own country. nationalism seems to subdued by fundamentalism and this can clearly be seen almost everywhere and anywhere.

i was quite upset when i saw KAMMI(Kesatuan Aksi Mahasiswa Muslim Indonesia) protesting to the local government concerning the Israel-Palestine conflict while reciting verses from the Holy Quran and shouting “Save our Muslim brothers and sisters in Palestine!”.  they seem to care more about the Palestinians than the Papuans who were struck by an earthquake just recently. this led me to an unpleasant question, am i not your brother/sister if i am not a Muslim? perhaps this question is rather racist but the current conditions has led me to consider this. What upset me even more was the

how about saving Indonesia first?

jackets they were wearing, on the back of the jacket was embroidered,  “SAVE OUR PALESTINE!” OUR PALESTINE? what about OUR INDONESIA? rather depressing isn’t it?

the government and us, really needs to address this problem quickly, perhaps Indonesia won’t be a Islamic state in the near future. However there is always a possibility of becoming one if this nonsense is allowed to cultivate and spread. and please do remember that fundamentalism spreads quite easily in 3rd world countries such as ours. the government should tackle this problem by reforming its education system, it should emphasize on morality not religion. to tell you the truth, I do not really believe that Indonesians are ready for these imported religions. we lack the moral prerequisites needed for a healthy religious environment.

fundamentalism is the result of a morally undereducated individual embracing religion as the way to satisfy his or her spiritual needs because of the lack of his or hers physical needs.

to minimize fundamentalism is not as complex as many have said. we just need an effective education system that emphasizes itself on moral values rather than religion. because when we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a dogma, we become automatons. we cease to grow. let us not become of that. let us grow, let us be strong, let us be just and let us become the Indonesia our forefathers wanted us to be.

“Kami menggoyangkan langit, menggempakan darat, dan menggelorakan samudera agar tidak jadi bangsa yang hidup hanya dari 2 ½ sen sehari. Bangsa yang kerja keras, bukan bangsa tempe, bukan bangsa kuli. Bangsa yang rela menderita demi pembelian cita-cita”

Ir. Soekarno.

the month

I sit on my bed, with my back on the window. It was raining as usual. It is that time of year again. The month of December, the month of Thor, Tlaloc and Waruna. The month of rain.  I could feel the cold wind bracing my skin. It is somewhat delightful. I then overindulge myself, a glass of red-ruby wine awaits me in the cupboard. I pour without hesitation. I then sip. It was a taste i was familiar with. It was sweet with a bitter end. I am no stranger to this taste. But it goes well with the chilling weather. I am in a state of bliss.

the hymn of terra firma

“can you feel that, good friend?”

 

“what is that?”

 

“it is the wind”

 

“it is the breath of the daughter of Chaos”

 

“it is the breath of Gaea herself” 

 

“perhaps”

 

“but may it also be Him?”

 

“the creator”

 

“the originator”

 

“the grand architect.”

 

“perhaps it may, good friend”

 

“but what is in a name, a name is merely a name”

 

“its presence must be felt, not uttered with such meaningless names”

 

“its presence must be felt, my good friend”

 

“ah yes, i could not agree less, but what good will it do, if thou could only feel in thou’s skin not in thou’s heart?”

as the moments past

it’s been a while, i haven’t written anything decent in this shabby little blog of mine. yes, perhaps  i have written a few things in my “notes” from my facebook account, mainly discussing about God, religion, suprarasionalism, deities, culture and so on.

but now rather than studying for tomorrow’s exam(EPP woohoo!) I would like to write something about myself. about me. but then again why do i need to show myself? to let you as a reader, as someone i do not know nor care, learn about me? Narcissistic? perhaps? in need of attention? it seems so. but more or less i’m doing this because at many times i do not have the slightest idea why i do what i do, why i say what i say. i just say and i just do. do i ever think before i do? sometimes yes, sometimes no. but when i do have the chance to think, i often think using my heart, not my mind. perhaps many of you have seen this. perhaps many of you are irritated by this. sometimes i am irrational or illogical when i am faced with a decision but now you know why. rather odd isn’t? indeed. anyway, enough about this nonsense.

so actually when people ask me to describe myself, i can’t really explain myself. there has always been two sides of me. the socialite who likes to do extraordinary stupid, childish, foolish things, and there is this second me who seems to be coming out more often lately, the quite me who likes to be alone, to just sit and stare at things that is usually something that is green and alive, to just read and think of everything and anything. well, in these past month i have talked to some people, consisting, of religious people, spirituals, philosophers, scholars, friends, my mom and a few others. they are all basically telling me the same thing which is that  i am experiencing what people might know as spiritual emptiness.

i am at a point where books have literally drowned my room, my mind, my thoughts, my self. knowledge and criticism has engulfed me. i question almost everything now. perhaps this is why i’m having this emptiness.

perhaps.

well i’m looking forward to next year, which will be in a couple of weeks, the year 2009 where in July of that year i’ll be 23. i am growing old but still young. i wish to do much, i wish to learn much and do those things i will. by the end of 2009 (i hope) i will have already graduated, i will be much better in playing a guitar, i will be able to manipulate my energy to not only make a friggin ball but perhaps channel it to another, know a thing or two about Yoga,  know a thing or two about Latin, and be able to sell at least one of my photos.

so.

do you have any regrets Ben from 2008?

yes, a few perhaps.

but come to think of it, why would i regret something i could not change?

manusia beragama mencintai alamnya

Tanyakanlah kepada teman-teman saya, betapa besarnya cinta saya akan lingkungan, dan anda mungkin akan mendapatkan jawaban yang beragam dan berbau “hijau”. Bahkan saya pun pernah dipanggil oleh salah satu teman saya seorang “tree hugger”, dan saya bangga akan hal itu.

Namun, betapa besarnya cinta saya akan lingkungan, saya pun tak ingin menutup mata akan kemungkinan semua negara di seluruh dunia untuk tidak lagi menggunakan minyak  atau akan kemungkinan semua negara untuk memberikan seluruh sumber daya negaranya dan difokuskan terhadap penghentian fenomena pemanasan global. Tak bermaksud untuk sombong, akan tetapi sebagai seorang mahasiswa yang fokus perkuliahannya ada di bidang Hubungan Internasional, maka saya cukup paham mengenai apa yang terjadi di dunia internasional (percayalah betapa busuknya dunia dan manusia yang hidup di dalamnya!) dan dari hal-hal tersebut saya dapat menarik kesimpulan bahwa pemanasan global tak dapat dihentikan(paling tidak untuk saat ini), bukan karena negara-negara tak ingin (kecuali AS, Cina dan beberapa negara besar lainnya) namun karena sebagian besar negara di dunia tak mampu untuk mengerahkan segenap kekuatannya untuk menghentikan fenomena tersebut.

Seoptimisnya anda bahwa pemanasan global dapat dihentikan dengan berbagai cara yang sekarang tengah diusahakan semua orang(kecuali para orang bodoh dan munafik di pemerintahan George W. Bush), kita pertama harus paham terlebih dahulu bahwa masalah lingkungan(pemanasan global, pelestarian sumber daya alam, pelestarian hutan dll) merupakan masalah keseimbangan antara ekonomi dan ekologi. Akan tetapi kita harus sadar bahwa mencari keseimbangan antara ekonomi dan ekologi, sudah seperti menanyakan siapakah itu Tuhan? Hampir tak mungkin. Terutama di negara-negara dunia ketiga seperti kita. We just don’t have the resources to thoroughly fight global warming. Walaupun ada beberapa negara yang telah berhasil melakukan hal tersebut(Costa Rica), tapi kita pun harus melihat siapa negara itu? sebesar apa negara itu? dan yang paling penting, hal apa yang menjalankan perekonomiannya?

Tak bermaksud untuk pesimis namun merupakan suatu hal yang sangat munafik jika kita masih meyakinkan diri kita bahwa pemanasan global dapat dihentikan saat ini. Namun bukan berarti kita tak dapat memperlambat datangnya kiamat dunia dan ironisnya, kiamat dunia yang telah ditulis oleh tangan ilahi pada buku-buku suci beragam agama bukan disebabkan oleh kekuatan ilahi yang datang pada hari penghakiman terakhir namun disebabkan oleh kelalaian diri kita dalam mengurus diri kita sendiri.

Masalah lingkungan adalah masalah moralitas. Jika anda ingin kita dapat memperlambat kehancuran dunia harus ada kesadaran dari diri kita sendiri,sudah saatnya kita sadar akan pentingnya lingkungan dan mengambil tindakan.

Kita, itu berarti anda dan saya. bukan hanya pemerintah. bukan hanya NGO’s, IGO’s dll, bukan hanya mereka yang berkepentingan. namun kita. sebagai manusia yang tinggal di bumi ini, menghirup udara ini dan makan dan minum dari tanah ini. kita semua memiliki andil dalam keselamatan diri kita.

jika anda memang manusia yang beragama, peliharalah apa yang telah diberikan oleh Tuhanmu itu.

Chupe mantequilla de mi culo – Suck butter from my ass

Dad just called

“Takut akan Allah adalah sumber pengetahuan akan segala-galanya.”

- My Dad, who calls me everyday just to ask me if i go to church or not.

thank you but sorry Dad.

Day 5 – Dusk

it is 3 a.m. and it is raining. i could not sleep although i am fully aware that i have much to do today. i read this. then i laughed. is it really that relevant and important for politicians to do such a thing? but the laughter was not long. the combination of rain and copeland never really did good for me. so i wrote what i wish i had said.

it was the hour of three and where was she?

and there she was reading Dee.

so i called her to speak of we.

as we spoke of our differences which she saw, was as vast as the sea

she said to me, how could you not see?

now, i understand that we could never be.

but still i believe love will come to set us free

still i believe love will come to set us free.

because i do not wish to say goodbye to thee.

Give me love,
or nothing.

Day 4 – as i thought of the heavens

I have been thinking about this for quite some time now.

If you believe in the concept of heaven or hell then ask yourself this question.

Let’s take an example, there are two people. Person A loves to go to church, mosque or other religious places. Loves to do anything for the church, mosque, etc. Loves to pray for himself, family, friends and the world, he/she is basically nice to people. but that is it. Then there is person B who does not even believe in God, hence he or she never goes to religious places nor pray. But he or she helps those in need, goes out into the street and gives out food for the poor, teaches for free at public schools, plants trees and so on. he or she basically does everything he or she can for those who are in need.

Both of them seem to be doing God’s bidding. But both of them have their flaws. So who, will go to heaven then?

This is what’s basically happening in our world today. Is it better to talk much of God? or to do much for God’s creations?

People do not seem to want to admit this.

adieu.

 

colors seem to fade gurl